MY LITTLE SOLDIERS

Hello Heroes,

I promised you, round 2, here we go!

Appointment 1, Filipa and I are both freaking out. Feeling all the emotions, not being prepared at all for the conversation, we walked into that office and had a seat in the big boy chair. First words out of the doctor were, everything with Filipa is wrong, her eggs this, her eggs that, and maybe start thinking about donor eggs. WHAT! WTF!, did you just drop that on us?

With our jaws still on the floor, he continued to discuss our options and our course of action. Ok maybe we’re getting somewhere, hopes began to lift, but slowly.

We were given the long list, let’s try timed intercourse (what, so do you watch?), if that doesn’t work, then IUI (intrauterine insemination), if that doesn’t work, the final option IVF. All this began to get super real. I felt out of control, what do I even do?

Fast forward 3 months, after the dreaded waiting game (mainly bureaucratic). We started treatment! Things became super timely, everything was timed, calculated, and measured. Days, weeks, months go by and nada! But you guys all know the story, Filipa (bless her), has done the hard work of explaining that to you. So I won’t go into detail.

But where my story starts, is sat in the office of the IVF specialist (last resort status achieved). After weeks of waiting, our test results were in. Trembling in my none existent boots, the finger was pointed at me. ME? Yeah, YOU! Well shit hit the fan, cats out the bag, Sameer you got shitty swimmers!

Wow talk about taking a jab at my manhood. Head in my hands, my life was feeling all sorts of inadequacy. Was I not manly enough, how could this happen? Looking over at Filipa, I felt horrible, all I could work up to say was “I’m sorry”. She in turn said “Don’t be silly, I love you!”.

But wait, how did we not know this a YEAR ago? We had the junk test before, and everything checked out then. A year of all the focus on Filipa, and it was my fault. How did this happen? Well, the first sperm test (yes I said it), was just a basic check list. Does it move, groove, and look fly, but this test was a bit more complicated. This DNA fragmentation test, took a closer look at what my little guys really look like. Basically put, my little worker bees showed up to the job, but forgot how to use their tools.

At this point, I was so frustrated, if we had done this test a year ago, we would have saved time, money and most importantly the emotional heart ache. Furious, I couldn’t do much, we were given the slight glimmer of hope, I put my feelings of anger aside and gave IVF all the attention it needed.

Remember guys, if you are going through anything like this or not and want to talk, please don’t hesitate to contact me, we got this!

Instahusband out,
Sameer @playingwithapparelmen