Guilt. I had no clue what guilt really was until I had children. I am constantly feeling the tug of not being enough, not doing enough.
As a working mum I’ve always felt guilty of working in front of Skye, having to turn my attention to how to provide for my family.
The other day after putting Skye to bed I sat on the couch and just cried. I’d hardly seen Skye all day, glued to the computer screen. I felt like I’d missed out. The mummy guilt was real.
It was in that moment, drowning in tears from a twisted heart that my wonderful husband Sameer sat down next to me. “You’re doing exactly what you should be doing” he said “you’re showing our daughters to follow their passions, to create, to dream”.
He was totally right! Motherhood is tight rope walk of emotions. It’s a constantly flip flop of guilt, but I am showing my children that they can do whatever they set their hearts out to.
Mum Guilt Tips
So Long Society Standards
Recently I decided to do a social media cleansing. I muted those that in that moment made me feel a certain way about my life and my choices. I gave myself grace. I was constantly bombarded with unrealistic expectations of what motherhood looked like. Hair done, nails done, perfectly dressed baby and mama enjoying daily playdates and educational experiences. Although, I don’t judge this, in fact it’s amazing, it’s just not relatable to my life or my situation, which in turn made me feel guilty. Was I not perfect enough for my child? Removing it from my life and surrounding myself with images and stories of people that resembled my life has helped.
I don’t actually have many friends, I’m pretty much a loner. Most of the friends I did have didn’t have children and couldn’t commiserate with my emotions. Although, they were a fabulous source of distraction. It never bothered me until I had children, I felt more lonely than I have ever, and with the climate of the world over the past couple of years, we have been more isolated than ever before. I do have one solid mama friend though, we are always there for each other. It is a complete open none judgemental space. Having someone to confide in, whether they are there in real life or a social media bestie it’s important to have someone outside of your spouse you can bitch with. That allows you to rant, to talk, to release.
Take Time For Yourself
Ugh, the biggest guilt of them all is when we take time for ourselves. Why would I spend time away from my child? I could be with them instead of taking this moment. Listen, burn out is real! Whether you’re a stay at home mum or a working mum it’s a LOT. Emotionally, physically, it’s a LOTTTTT! So taking time for yourself, whether it’s a night away, or 30mins sat in the car listening to your fave podcast, taking time for you allows you to show up as your best possible self. Let me explain it this way, when you fly they tell you to put on your air mask before assisting others, you can’t help anyone if your passed out. Take that time, if you have to schedule it, schedule it, but make it a priority.
Take That Time With Your Child
Sure, it’s easy to say the dishes will wait, the laundry will wait. But, really it will. Take the moments you can with your child, fill your tank and theirs. Put the phone away, play a game, read a book, cook together, have a dance party, go for a walk, watch a movie. Spend some time together, just the two of you. If you have more than one child try and spend some time with them individually, quality time is important.
Although I am sure there’s no true cure to mum guilt knowing that the way I’m feeling is totally valid and normal is comforting. I am exactly what my children need.
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