Finding Who I am

Hello Loves!

This year has been a tough one, for numerous reasons. The main one being a little too raw to talk about right now, so I won’t go into depth. But with these hardships there is a light, I am finding out who I am… who would have thought!

I have never been alone. Sameer and I have been together since we were 16! I went from my parents straight to him. Although I wouldn’t change this for the world, I don’t think I ever truly got to know myself. Everything was ‘ours’, ‘we don’t like’, ‘we love’. I never really knew what made me tick. Even my career was decided for me. At a very young age I became responsible for the family business. In fact I had to make a really hard choice with that and give the duties of the family business to Sameer, so I could focus on what I love… THIS!

THIS, social media, blogging has changed me, I’ve becoming confident, organized (kinda), and even more involved with the community. But with the likes and follows that comes with this I never really had to take a hard look in the mirror.

With all that has happened, or should I say hasn’t happened this year, I have seen a side to me that I don’t particularly like. My anger and sadness turned to self hate and even worse… frustration towards others. Even though I haven’t really figured all of this out yet, I acknowledging that everything happens for a reason. I needed to get to know myself, to go deeper inside myself, to a place I never wanted to go. I needed to have tough conversations with Sameer, to test our relationship and come out stronger than before. I needed to be transparent with my family, to push our relationship out of it’s routine. To push my relationship with my father, to cry in his arms… to talk about something other than work.

Even though I have spent most of my days in a puddle of my own tears, I wouldn’t change a second. Crazy right! Well, because through hardships come the light. A bigger more beautiful outcome than what you were looking for, you just need to be open and accepting.

So don’t feel like you have to control a situation or outcome, chances are it will never go in your favour. Trust me that was a hard pill to swallow. But try to enjoy the bumpy ride. There is always a silver lining. I promise.

Kisses x

xoxo Fil

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@filipajackson

P.S. Follow along with me everyday via SnapChat. My username is: Filzer