I get asked a lot about how we keep our 13 year long relationship together. Well I ain’t gonna lie and say he buys me flowers and we giggle all day long, because let’s cut the shiz… that’s a bunch of bull. Under the facade of #CouplesGoals, it takes a lot of freaking work. But hey, was it really worth it if you didn’t put in some elbow grease? *insert winky face *insert vomit face.
When it comes to our relationship, Sameer and I have been through it all… the good, the bad, and the extremely ugly. But do you really know someone if you haven’t seen them Kim Kardashian cry? (if you don’t know what I’m referencing we can’t be friends). Seriously though, you are kidding yourself if you look at that Instagram couple who are all over each other, and think they don’t argue. I guarantee they got into one heck of a fight to get that shot…. or is that just me?
Don’t get me wrong, Sameer and I are very much in love. He’s my best friend as well as the pain in my ass. But I wouldn’t even take the biggest Advil to diminish that pain. We have learnt a lot over 13 years, and although I wouldn’t call myself a relationship guru (you are more than welcome to), I do think I know a thing or two about growing stronger as a pair and keeping that love a blooming.
Communication Is Key
I am sure this isn’t some kind of revolutionary tip, but it’s true. Communication is most definitely key. It’s been the key to my relationship. How do you get to know someone if you’re not talking? And when I say communication, I mean everything. If you can’t talk to your spouse who can you talk to? Sameer and I have had to have some incredibly hard conversations, but this has only made us stronger. We know everything about each other, maybe somethings I don’t want to know, but it helps me understand him better.
Never Go To Bed Angry
I remember back in Uni, Sameer and I were living with each other (yes in University!). The initial honeymoon period had most certainly passed and we were at each others throats! WHY DID YOU LEAVE THE LIGHTS ON??!! You know that kind of pathetic BS. Anyway, I was on the phone with my Mum, crying my eyes out, bitching my heart out about our never ending list of silly bickers. My Mum quickly shut me up, and said… “What ever you do, don’t go to bed angry”… what a wise lady my Mummy is. Since then we never go to bed angry. Although this sometimes means we don’t sleep haha, until things are figured out, it allows us to truly deal with the issue at hand and move on. Genius.
Distance Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
Ok, ok… so I might not get much time away from Sameer. We are practically Siamese twins, and although I have to be dragged away from him kicking and screaming… I DO understand the importance of having time away from each other. For Sameer and I this is a little harder as we both work together, but even having the odd solo Starbucks date helps. It gives you time to be alone and think about you for a sec. It also gives you the opportunity to watch whatever you want on Netflix, hair and face mask on, butt naked, and smothered in your fav oil…. Hmmm on that thought… Sameer, wanna go out with the guys tonight?
Fly Me To The Moon
You guys probably know that Sameer and I just got back from a month long trip to Europe. But what you don’t know is that this was a huge deal for our relationship. Before leaving on this trip we had gotten ourselves into too much of a routine. It was driving us insane and we were taking it out on each other. It got to the point where something had to be done. Although for us this just happened to be booking an overpriced trip to the most romantic places in the world, I know that isn’t accessible for all… heck it’s not even accessible for us, we are going to be paying it off for a loooong time. Anyway the point is, you don’t have to go all the way to Italy to be flown to the moon. Bring Italy to you! Sameer is super good at creating the ultimate movie night, he makes us a bed in the living room out of the couch cushions, lights every candle known to man, orders the cheesiest pizza, and cues us up for an ultimate Netflix binge sesh. We have noticed that these moments, away from the daily norm help us rekindle the love that has been buried under the piles of paperwork.
Dream Work Makes The Team Work
So you’ve done everything. You’ve organized a date night, you’ve ugly cried, you’ve even talked about your deepest darkest secrets… but if your spouse isn’t getting involved then there really isn’t much point. There is no I in team. In order to make your relationship stand the test of time you both have to be involved, otherwise what’s the point? So if your reading this alone, and your other half isn’t getting it… tell them this… FILIPA IS GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!