So to kick off this journey we have to go back to the start. How it all began. Let’s get right to it (Mum you may want to click off, things are going to get sexy’ish).
Shortly after Sameer and I got married we ‘started trying’. By started trying I mean we weren’t protecting ourselves against not having a baby. Boy did we have a lot of fun! I think we christened every part of the house… even the garage *insert winky face. But that fun was short lived, I was shocked at how quickly I became obsessed with the idea of being a Mum and desperately sad that it hadn’t happened after 3 months. I remember starting my period on our honeymoon in Bali and just falling apart, I was sure we were pregnant.
These months of hope and pure heartbreak would become all too common. But I’m getting ahead of myself. When I got back from Bali, I made baby making a priority. I wasn’t doing myself any favours, as someone that suffers from anxiety and control issues, my obsession was bad news. I went online and ordered a pack of 200 OPK (ovulation predictor kit) sticks and HCG (pregnancy tests) sticks. Starting the day after my last period I would pee on an opk stick every day at 2pm, stick them to a piece of paper and record the darkening of the line all the way up to ovulation. Once I got that positive, poor Sameer would then be beckoned and “the kind” of love making would begin.
Then comes the dreaded 2ww (two week wait). I would spend every second watching my body. Oh I just sneezed is that a symptom? My eye twitched, I must be pregnant! I was a woman obsessed. But just like clockwork, that little red witch would show her ugly face and the whole cycle would start again.
What I Did
This lasted for 12 long months before I finally went to seek help from my family doctor. But before this heads into the next chapter, I just wanted to mention some things that I did during those 12 months. Although, they didn’t ‘help’ me, they can only do more good than harm.
Before I started this journey I was a vegetarian, but let’s just say I wasn’t the healthiest. I changed my diet to include a lot more fresh fruit and veg. Avocados became my best friends. A Mediterranean diet is ideal.
I DESPISE exercise, I legitimately think I’m allergic. But getting my heart rate up each day became a priority. This came in the form of going for walk with Sameer each day, which then became our source of therapy.
Although I kept my cards very close to my chest and didn’t really open up much about my feelings. Sameer and forums were my greatest source of comfort. Sameer was fabulous but he didn’t entirely understand the way I felt, so when he was lacking in the guidance section, I would lean on websites such as babycenter.ca to seek encouragement from women going through similar issues.
Even though my obsession with OPK sticks became unhealthy, they were a great tool of education. I realized for the first few months I was totally doing the deed at the wrong time, missing my ovulation window. Through OPK sticks I was able to learn more about how my body worked.
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