After a much needed break we are back… well kinda. I am back but taking it a little easy. Writing our fertility posts really took it out of us. It was intense, emotionally as well as physically, my poor typing fingers. But it was needed, we needed to talk, and we truly appreciate you for listening.
Now getting to the point, this blog post. Never did I think I would ever write this post, but after receiving quite a few DMs I figured that this is a subject people want to hear.
What to do when your friend is going through fertility issues? Huh, I was so focused on people going through fertility issues and helping them that the other side of the story never crossed my mind. But after chatting on Dms with these peeps it was clear to see they were struggling. What to say, what to do, how to act. Although I can’t speak for everyone going through fertility issues, because they are all so unique in feelings and emotions, I have come up with a couple of ways you can be there for your friend/loved one.
Let’s Talk About You
Now again, I can’t speak on behalf of everyone, but I didn’t actually tell my friends I was dealing with fertility issues. I did this for many reasons but ultimately because fertility played on my mind 24/7! There was no escape, apart from when I was with my friends. Talking about their issues, their problems and feelings brought me back to reality, it made me feel human again. Haha I didn’t want to think about how sucky my life was for a moment, I wanted to hear how sucky theirs was.
So I think unless they want to talk about what’s going on, or their issues, forget about it. Gossip! Complain about your husbands snoring, we want to hear it!
Forget The Advice
There is nothing worse than being told to ‘just relax’ or ‘stress doesn’t help’ from someone that’s not going through fertility issues. You saying relax is not going to make me RELAX! Realizing you’re stressed and need to stop stressing only makes you more stressed! So unless you have been asked for advice, forget it! You don’t have a clue what they are going through or feeling, no matter how much you google. Heck I don’t have a clue what some of the people I know that are struggling are feeling, every story is so different. So drop the advice and just be that ear.
Be A Shoulder
To carry on that last point, ultimately we want you to be our shoulder, maybe even our punching back… sorry. Although we ‘probably’ won’t actually hit you… maybe, we need to be able to come to you to rant, to cry, to scream, and for you to just listen. If we are doing all of these things, it’s a good thing. We are letting our feelings out, and that’s therapy. So put on some hockey padding and be our shoulder, we truly thank you for it.
This kind of goes off the first point, but when you are going through fertility distractions are key. Like I said I didn’t actually tell my friends about our issues, so they never got this memo, but my husband did. Even though he was going through his own set of emotions and pain he still somehow pulled off some much needed distractions. Being taken away for an hour, a day, a weekend or week without having to stress about planning the getaway is wonderful! Sameer would wake me up tell me to get dressed and hop in the car and take me on an adventure, I would be so excited I would forget my worries. We did things like picnics, the movies, hikes, shopping! It didn’t have to cost a fortune, it just needed to get us out of the house.
The fertility world is a tricky one, there is no right or wrong way to do anything. Ultimately we don’t even know what we want from you a lot of the time, we are just so overly consumed by our emotions. Selfish I know, but please forgive us. You were obviously doing something right to be their friend in the first place, so keep being you! We love you for it.
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